By someone who's had far too many negronis and not enough SPF
As summer creeps in like Drunk Aunt June at a wedding…uninvited, unrelenting, and heavily perfumed…the only sensible response is to drink accordingly. And this year, dear reader, the cocktail world has been rummaging through its vintage trunks, health food aisles, and tiki cabinets to produce some rather unexpected delights. Below, a rundown of the drinks you'll pretend you've been sipping all along. ________________________________________ 1. The Dirty Shirley Shirley finally snapped. Once a childhood classic and now a chaotic millennial fever dream, the Dirty Shirley is essentially what happens when nostalgia meets poor decision-making. But in the heat of July, it somehow works. Ingredients: • 2 oz vodka • 1/2 oz grenadine • Lemon-lime soda (to top) • Maraschino cherry (for the illusion of class) Instructions: Fill a tall glass with ice. Add vodka and grenadine. Top with soda. Stir gently and garnish with a cherry, preferably one that’s seen things. ________________________________________ 2. Spicy Mezcal Margarita For those who like their drinks smoky and their company scarce. The classic margarita gets a sultry upgrade here, ideal for sipping by a barbecue while pretending not to care what everyone thinks of your playlist. Ingredients: • 1 1/2 oz mezcal • 1 oz lime juice • 1/2 oz triple sec • 1/2 oz agave syrup • 1 slice fresh jalapeño • Tajín or chili salt for rim (optional, but encouraged) Instructions: Muddle jalapeño in a shaker. Add ice and remaining ingredients. Shake with more passion than precision. Strain into a glass with a spicy rim. Regret nothing. ________________________________________ 3. The Hugo Spritz If a cucumber sandwich could be a cocktail. Straight from the alpine terraces of northern Italy, the Hugo Spritz is light, floral, and so thoroughly refreshing it makes you forgive its terribly smug name. Ingredients: • 1 oz elderflower liqueur (St-Germain is the Beyoncé of the category) • 3 oz Prosecco • 1 oz soda water • Mint leaves, lime wheel Instructions: Build over ice in a large wine glass. Stir once, gently…like you’re waking a cat. Garnish with mint and lime. Sip with pinky slightly elevated. ________________________________________ 4. The Espresso Tonic Because apparently, caffeine and quinine are now friends. This oddball darling of Scandinavian cafes has crept into summer menus worldwide. A non-alcoholic option if you must, but it can also serve as a shocking pregame. Ingredients: • 1 shot fresh espresso (cooled) • 4 oz tonic water • Orange peel (to confuse and impress) Instructions: Pour tonic over ice in a tall glass. Gently add the espresso so it floats…creating a curious two-tone effect that screams “I’m complicated.” Garnish with orange peel. Avoid eye contact. ________________________________________ 5. The Yuzu Highball Elegant. Understated. Slightly intimidating. Highballs are back with a vengeance, and Japanese-inspired flavours are leading the charge. The Yuzu Highball is crisp, citrusy, and refreshingly low-alcohol…ideal for day drinking while maintaining an illusion of responsibility. Ingredients: • 1 1/2 oz Japanese whisky • 1/2 oz yuzu juice (bottled is fine, we’re not monks) • Soda water • Lemon twist Instructions: Pour whisky and yuzu over ice in a highball glass. Top with soda. Stir with the poise of a butler handing you a resignation letter. Garnish and serve cold as your ex’s texts. ________________________________________ 6. The Tropical Negroni Because the original needed a holiday. The Negroni has been on everyone's lips for years (literally and metaphorically), but this tropical remix swaps out Campari for something sunnier. Ingredients: • 1 oz gin • 1 oz sweet vermouth • 1 oz pineapple liqueur (or juice, if you’re feeling rustic) • Lime wedge Instructions: Stir over ice. Strain into a rocks glass. Garnish with a lime wedge and your best “I’ve been to Bali” smirk. ________________________________________ Final Sip: Whether you’re poolside in Marbella or sweating through polyester at a cousin’s garden party in Woking, this summer’s drinks are anything but dull. From fizzy escapism to smoky introspection, there’s a trend for every palate and enough citrus to threaten your enamel. So, mix boldly, sip slowly, and remember: a well-made cocktail won’t fix your problems, but it will make you forget them for precisely 2.5 sips. Cheers.
